Welcome to the Year 2000: The Immortal Heart
by Dora
Summary: Set before The Spirit, but written after, Sam Guthrie has a talk with God.


DISCLAIMERS: Everyone is Marvel's. This is just a half-assed attempt at a series I started then dug up months later. I'm just a poor writer, so take pity and feedback, don't sue?   


* * *

  
I'm one of the Twelve. One of _the_ Twelve.   


Me. Samuel Zachary Guthrie, country boy from the sticks. Oh, Paige, if you could see me now...   


I miss you so _much!_ You, and Momma, and Josh and Joelle and the twins and... Are you all really gone? I can't believe that.   


Wasn't it just last week when I called home to check on things and tell you about me and...   


Oh, God.   


God, why did You have to take my Tabitha away from me? I know that she and I haven't ever been the best behaved of souls, but we just found each other again... She said _yes._ She was _mine..!_   


Why, God? Why have You been so cruel to so many innocent people?   


Are You even there..?   


Oh, Lord... I'm starting to sound like Kitty. I'm sorry -- I still believe. I can't _help_ but believe, not after this life. It's just so hard for me to understand You, that's all.   


And I can just _hear_ Momma now... "Don't you go doubting, Samuel. You _know_ the Lord works mysteriously. It isn't our place to question Him."   


It just isn't fair. It isn't fair that everyone I know and love dies while I'm forced to live forever.   


Forever.   


It's such a strange word, and I don't think anyone else understands it. They all survived this plague because they aren't human, or because of magick, or luck, or any number of reasons. I survived because I'm immortal. I _can't_ die.   


Does that make me one of the damned? I feel like I've been picked out for this Hell.   


It's odd what you can remember sometimes. I have such a clear memory of Terry reading a book once, like she always did, but this one really grabbed me by the ear. It was called Queen of the Damned. Something about vampires, she said, but it was the title that always stuck with me.   


Am I damned? Will I be forced to wander this wasteland for the rest of eternity? I can't help but think so, especially when I see Kitty late at night, sitting next to Mr. Wisdom's grave, her Star of David this tiny little pinpoint of light...   


I've been tempted to ask why she still wears it a few times -- since I came to Muir with Ben, I've noticed how she seems to bristle like a cat near bath water whenever mention of God or religion comes up.   


Monet caught me looking the other morning. Her voice was so far away when she spoke, and I recognized the look on her pretty face without any trouble. It's the same look Rogue gets when someone talks about Gambit, or how Cable and Wolverine look when Jean Summers is brought into a conversation. I would imagine it's also the look Jonothon and I get when we think about Paige.   


"It's her way of remembering, Samuel," Monet told me. Silly of me not to think of that on my own. Before Ben and I left California, I took one of Tabitha's necklaces. I felt silly then, wearing this delicate pink cubic zirconia twisted around one wrist, but now I'm glad I did.   


If I'm going to walk for the rest of eternity, I think I'd like some company.   


These past few weeks have been so confusing, such a twister of events. I wake up each morning expecting Tabitha to bound into my room, or to find 'Berto and Dani arguing about what to have for breakfast while Jimmy sits reading the newspaper.   


Instead of waking to warm California days, I've found blustery Scottish weather. Instead of waking to see the love of my life, I've found broken warriors.   


It's strange that, despite it all, I couldn't help the thrill which went through me after Cable told us about the Twelve this afternoon. I'm one of the people who'll change mutantkind, change the _world._   


Momma would be so proud, and I think Paige would, too, though Heaven knows she'd be jealous as heck at first. My sister was always more action-oriented than I.   


God, I miss my friends and family so much... I don't know how I'm going to survive, but please, tell them I love them. And Lord, please, take care of my remaining friends. Other than You, they're all I've got left.   


If we're going to change the world, we're going to need each other to be strong.   


I love you, Momma. You supported my decisions no matter what, and showed me how to be strong.   


I love you, Paige. Without you, I never would have learned how to appreciate the adventure in life.   


I love you, Josh. Whenever I think of you, all I can hear is your voice during those Sunday morning hymns, and how proud it made me to be your brother.   


I love you, Joelle. Even when we argued, you were still my baby sister, the only person who could understand me sometimes.   


I love you, Tabitha Smith. In my heart, you'll always be my wife.   


You'll be in my heart, forever and ever.   


Amen. 


End file.
